yustyoking

            Since so many of you have been asking (well, three), I wish to state my agitation over the endless search for biographical truth on the Internet.

            Enough, I say. Mea culpa. My bad. Tearfully, I admit it, I am a female lesbian activist living in Beirut, Lebanon. All other identities are temporarily put on hold.

            You may have seen my glam shot on Facebook, sweeties! That’s Clearasil on my chin. Lady Clairol does my hair. Nails by Tina. The nefarious machinations of the manipulative puppet masters at the IMF and World Bank are depriving we Third World youngsters of our future and our birthright.

            As we all know, Beirut is hot in summer and the Babylonian antiquities are kept on the second floor of the National Historical Museum, next to the gift shop. Scenic postcards still cost only 3 livres 50 piastres, despite the inflation. Henri Matisse, to my knowledge, painted only landscapes in Lebanon.

            Speak truth to power! Richard Nixon created Lipitor.

            I bought that mauve oneset at a small tailor shop just off the souk. I have inherited an agate ring from my Grandma, darling, but I only wear it on special occasions. So, help overthrow the repressive autocracies of the Arab world! This is a revolution! As we said in college, there’s no wishy-washy, mealy-mouthed Mickey Mouse about it!

Workers of the world, unite! All you have to lose are your personal information, your credit rating and, like, maybe, your freedom.

            I have yet to find an Arab prison with really fresh potato chips or a decent ATM machine!

            I dare to speak out! I am currently incarcerated in a Scottish gaol on drug charges and for allegedly passing bad checks. Those checks weren’t bad! Money wants to be free!

            Help get Pamela out of prison! Send cash!

            If and when I ever get back to America—I went to school in Ann Arbor, Michigan—I intend to continue our battle as a member of Pretty Girls For Obama.

            Long live the proletariat!

                                       –         A Female Lesbian Activist in Beirut, Lebanon

P.S. For security reasons, I am using a proxy Web server that only makes it APPEAR that I am writing from the International Space Station. Nothing could be further from the truth.