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          “One small debt for a man, one giant black hole for a government.”  

                    – RT, Russian Television, commentator reporting from Moscow on America’s debt crisis

           Jules Boolkin, TV Network News: “Good evening! As millions of you saw last night, we sent news teams all across the country interviewing ordinary Americans regarding their views on the solution to the debt crisis in Washington. Ordinary Americans just like you!

            “What you may not know, is the acid condemnation Corporate has received for what critics and the public agree, for once, was ‘boring’ television.

            “’If I want to hear the opinions of my neighbors,’ wrote a typical viewer, ‘I don’t need to turn on my television.’

            “So, to beef up our story— and hopefully re-attract those viewers lost in the hiatus— we’ve returned to this issue. Tonight: Previously Unheard Voices On the Debt Crisis.

            “We first take you to Flatland, Indiana, where billionaire maize farmer, entrepreneur and inventor Silas Worthington is seen climbing aboard his corporate jet.”

            Worthington: “I didn’t make the hole in the rowboat, why should I have to help bail?!”

            Boolkin: “We now interrupt a hold-up on Third Avenue in New York City to ask stickup artist and anonymous robber ‘R’ what he thinks.”

            ‘R’: Karl Marx prophesied the fall and ultimate demise of capitalism as an integral step in the formation of a communist society. We are currently in the second painful phase of that transition, the economic collapse of the West.”

            Boolkin: “In that same city, pole dancer Trixie LaBoom had this to add…”

            LaBoom: “I’m not saying there will be, but if there’s a backlash to the curtailment of entitlements amidst the general public, the Tea Party may well rue the day they made their demands.”

            Boolkin: “This homeless person standing on a street corner in New York City is Cyrus Corning. We don’t have Smellovision in our homes, but take my word for it, Mr. Corning smells pretty awful.”

            Corning: “The market’s crashing! No, it’s rallied! The Market’s crashing! No, it’s rallied! The market’s crashing! No, it’s rallied! The Market’s—“

            Newsman (off-camera): “Any other thoughts?”

            Corning: “Oh, wait! Stocks have taken a nosedive! No, the Market’s recovered! Stocks have taken a nosedive! No, the Market’s recovered! Stocks have taken a nosedive—“

            Boolkin: “Meanwhile, on Castro Street in San Francisco, gay rights activist Monty Markham gave us his commentary.”

            Markham: “Times are hard for the Movement. Castro Street has definitely been left behind. Wall Street flourishes, the rest of us are dumb [bleep]. I, personally, think House Majority Leader Eric Cantor is a lovely, lovely man and I would be happy to speed date the man in a Bachelorette-type setting. I’m in the phonebook. Or google me online at Markham dot Monty.”

            Boolkin: “Finally, back in Washington, on Euclid Street, in the downtown area— about as far from Capitol Hill as you can get and still remain on the same planet— we asked the Reverend Jasper C. Pettiwhistle for these comments.”

            Pettiwhistle: “A darkness rises upon the waters, Oh brothers and sisters! And the Righteous shall strike at the Iniquitous, like the scorpion riding aback the turtle. As we together sink into the mire of everlasting damnation, Brother Barack will give us all a speech tellin’ us we got to be prepared to make ever-greater sacrifices.

           “He got his millions!

           “He know where he can stick that one!”

            Boolkin: “That’s our economic recovery report for tonight on reaction to Congress and the Administration’s debt ceiling legislation and the resulting economic downgrading of America by rating agency Standard & Poor.

            “We’ll be back, after this…”

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