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            Oops! I am so devastated to see my screenwriting career splattered against the windshield of reality. I would go on America’s Got Talent, but what are Harold Stern & Friends going to watch me do? Type? Call Dr. Phil! Intervention time. I need help. This cannot go on!

To: Silvia Plarsch, World Wide Pictures

Subject: Film for release December 2014

Title: “Go!”

This is an American adaption of an original Swedish screenplay. Stylistically, think Ingmar Bergman: black & white cinematography, heavy acting, pregnant pauses, sudden gusts of dramatic music.

Suggested Cast

Bernard: Robert De Niro

Greg: Greg Kinnear

Roger: Jake Gyllenhaal

Suzanne: Kirsten Dunst

Smooth J, the black dude: Chris Rock

Melvin: Tom Cruise

Alicia: Sigourney Weaver

Officer O’Malley, the cop: Harvey Keitel

Wolfgang Petersen directs.

The plot: Bernard (cameo by Robert De Niro) is in the hospital with a stomach ulcer. His friend Greg (Greg Kinnear) promises to look after his apartment, pay the rent, etc. Action follows Greg as he walks the streets of summer New York, meeting exotic characters: Street musicians, street people, Wall Street suits hailing taxis, hustlers, runaways, drug addicts, pimps. The proverbial voyeur, everything impresses Greg. If you burp dramatically, he’s on it in a second, recapping the event in excruciating detail.

            Meanwhile, at the group house where Greg lives, Roger (Jake Gyllenhaal) is in the kitchen enthusing aloud over synthesizers advertised in music mags. Z-Z-Zap! A space monster, suspiciously like Predator, rayguns him into a greasy smudge. The monster raids the china closet, eating crystal beakers and wineglasses by inserting them directly into its stomach. Crunch, crunch! Exit space monster.

            Roger’s housemates come home and complain about the odor of burning rubber, while slipping and sliding on his greasy remains.

            Bernard gets out of the hospital to find he’s been evicted, all his plants have died, his dog starved to death.

            The End.

It’s got legs. I think you should greenlight it. I’ll get to work on dialogue.

Sincerely, Kevin Feingold

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