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That’s right, annex Antarctica! It’s Christmas Eve and freezing cold in my House, so I have some Perspective on this issue. What looks like a maxi-chunk of ice is in fact an integral part of America’s Defense Posture. For entirely too long, this vital link in America’s chain of World Domination has been blithely and willfully ignored. Fortunately, there are Republican politicians who truly understand President Donald J. Trump’s fixations and they are willing to go that Extra Mile in understanding just how essential Antarctica is to our National Security. Let us take a Voluntary Position to make Antarctica an integral part of the U.S.A. Any Sleazeball Democrat bleeding-heart Antifa scum who opposes us should be tried for treason! Congress must ratify the selection of a Special Envoy to the icy south, rather than throw out the baby with the bath water. Yes, it’s cold down yonder, but if it is worth doing, it is worth doing right!  

Five different species of Penguins be damned. They have been Ripping Off America entirely too long! Yes, they are cute, but they are also totally worthless when it comes to manning machine gun nests or firing HIMAR anti-tank missiles. We have run tests. Nor do they spend anywhere near 3% of Antarctica’s GNP on their own defense. All that penguin guano is chock full of nitrates which could be fertilizing soybean fields in Iowa. It’s shameful that we have let them hitch a Free Ride on America’s coattails for far too long, but we are Good People and, as the Ice Shelf melts, we will save their sorry asses from oblivion.

Don’t let the Southern Elephant Seals fool you, they are all Radical Left Lunatics!

Instead of getting their house in order, the whale, seal, petrel and penguin denizens of Antarctica’s frozen wasteland have depended on International Treaties that claim Antarctica as a nuclear-free zone and pacifist redoubt. No one wants to live there! You have to pay people to overnight. Poo-poo on your international treaties, you softies at the U.N. You typically Fuzzy-Headed Bureaucrats! It is time for you to put the horse before the cart and ensure the survival of the Snowy Albatross. Read The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge for details. As Coleridge wrote, “I fear thy skinny hand!”

Redemption is at hand! Redirect the Seventh Fleet. Ship Heavy Weapons to McMurdo Sound and preserve the ice sheet. What’s not to like? The driest, coldest place on the planet, they have nine months of winter and a volcano. We already have a footprint in the region: There are burger bars, pizza ovens, stir-fry and burritos in the cafeteria at McMurdo Station. Grab your moon boots and an AR-15! We must protect the civilian population of research scientists and our $110 million yearly investment. We can use Christchurch, NZ as a staging area. If Pakistan can sell more than $4 billion in military equipment to Libya, what’s the problem? Besides, if we don’t do it, China will label Antarctica as the Final Destination on the Silk Road and invade. We have the aircraft and we have the storage lockers, it is only the will to Invest in Antarctica’s Future that is currently lacking in Congress and among the American people. This will change! I am certain of it.