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Up Air

A Letter from Our CEO

Good is the better part of excellence.

No doubt you are aware of the difficult holiday season which has just transpired for the airline industry. Hundreds of thousands of flights cancelled, enormous queues, people camping out at the airports, baggage delivered abroad by domestic carriers. (There’s more than one Panama City, genius, and they’re not all in Panama!)

Cry havoc and unleash the dogs of corporate dysfunction!

But enough about me.

Flying passengers is more than just a new paint job and an updated corporate logo. Let me just say on behalf of everyone at Up Air, and in utmost sincerity, that now is not the time for the faint of heart. Major decisions require backbone.

No doubt you have also read in the past week about the corporate reshuffling among some major carriers.

2023 is going to be way different when it comes to Up Air, the airline that truly cares about its passengers.

Did you know that we have over 100 planes on back order from major manufacturers in unspecified Third World countries? Globalists, we say, why shouldn’t they get a slice of the aviation pie in, for example, Kuala Lumpur? We all live on the same planet.

Our existing fleet is due for a meaningful upgrade with a price tag in the millions of dollars, featuring major improvements to our accommodations. You won’t believe some of the customer-facing technologies on the drawing board: Cushions on every seat, enough overhead room for every cranium, toothy sandwiches for sale on the lunch cart and fast, safe access to the toilets. Ear plugs. There are even plans to retrofit wider seats in parts of the plane previously dedicated to baggage.

Looking at a map of the world, we can name over 40 different cities worldwide to which we would like to fly non-stop.

Do you have a ticket from Up Air that is gathering dust on the hall table? Do I have news for you!

In order to minimize cancellations, frustration and stress, avoid those endless lines, lessen overcrowding, reduce security issues to zero and get people out of the airports, we at Up Air have decided, at long last, to go out of business!

A Happy 2023 to one and all.

Marvin Freundlich

CEO, Up Air