yustyoking

One Bogus Hullabaloo

There are innumerable reasons to declare this election null and void! Firstly, it’s giving us a headache. That right there is a reason to cry “STOP THE COUNTING!” Secondly, it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Who needs this grief? No one. Fuhgeddaboudit! Like millions of Americans, I am doing just fine the way things are. As the great sage Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I?”

You are Donald John Trump, that’s what you are, Hillel! You are President of the United States!!! What did you think you were?

Since arguing with the ghost of Hillel rarely gets us anywhere, allow me to proceed:

Representative Jim Jordan (R, Ohio) appeared on Fox News to talk about his post-election experience. After spending four days eyeing the vote count in Pennsylvania, he reported several anomalies, peculiarities, injustices, code violations and general misbehavior among poll workers and election officials. His oral report sounded a little diffuse, however, kinda like a fishing expedition, as if he was just looking for stuff to complain about. Nothing could be further from the truth! Jim Jordan saw stuff!   

In an effort to formulate a more precise listing, I am writing now the various reasons I think this entire enterprise is well past its due date.

1. Poll workers put cardboard on the windows so people couldn’t see in!!!!!!!!! I know Jim brought up this point, but it is well worth reiterating. If we don’t regulate the use of cardboard in this great country of ours, who knows where it will end? There is perfectly good plywood for boarding up windows. Let them use plywood like everybody else.
2. They are counting millions of ballots. By hand! Just courting disaster. Just asking for it. As Shakespeare warned us regarding another subject entirely (he was apolitical for his time) “To err is human…” I can’t believe this antiquated system. Many locations aren’t even using an automated envelope opener. What good does it do to live in America, home of innovation, if we are going to plow our fields, open our mail and tabulate the vote by hand?
3. Pennsylvania Secretary of State Kathy Boockvar reported that a man in Luzerne County forged the name of his deceased mother on an application for an absentee ballot. STOP THE COUNT! Voter fraud is like bedbugs, if we’ve uncovered one case, there must be millions! Millions! Quick, look under the mattress! As Lamont Cranston a k a The Shadow said, “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?” Stop the presses.
4. Gun-toting protesters were prohibited from entering the Maricopa County tabulation center in Phoenix, Arizona where the mail-in ballots are being processed. I’m no fancy-pansy constitutional lawyer, but it sure sounds to me like this is a clear violation of First Amendment, Second Amendment and, I don’t know, maybe 14^th Amendment rights! This is just the sort of excessive use of force which we can expect under a Biden presidency! Sheriffs telling the people what they can and cannot do sure sounds puritanical to me!  To paraphrase ol’ Will Shakespeare, the Bard, “Cry havoc and let slip the protesters!”
5. Traffic lights. At intersections all over this great country of ours, the Authorities have erected traffic lights, entirely without our permission. This is creeping authoritarianism in the flesh. What’s next, gun laws?

I could go on, but you are getting my point. When the electorate of a great nation practices the quadrennial ritual of going to the polls to cast their ballots, selecting their elected leaders, there are always going to be sour grapes among at least some of the losers.

The system is broken and we know who broke it, Il Duce, breaking with tradition, lying from beneath his toupee, misbehaving and creating the American carnage we are all trying to correct.

Even kicking and screaming, Trump’s supporters will be entering a new decade of “return to normal” politics in a land where everyone is created equal and justice shall prevail.

Quite the hullaballoo.