yustyoking

The Great Debates

            Superman had a bad night in Denver.

            Romney had been accused of never coming with concrete proposals, so straight out of the gate, he listed his FIVE POINT PROGRAM for righting the economy. And unlike Perry, Romney remembered all five! He then let the cat out of the bag, by asking the president to explain his “trickle down” policy. Jim Lehrer, the moderator, picked up on that and also asked the president to elucidate on his “trickle down” approach.

            “Finally!” I thought. Clarity. Why did the president bail out the Wall Street brokerage houses and the fucking banks??? They aren’t American industry, they are Capital. We consumers are still waiting to see the benefit of this approach.

            And the president, one-trick pony, went into his smokescreen mode and started blabbing about what he wanted to tell us, totaling ignoring the question.

            Things went downhill from there.  

            Al Gore, who has an entire channel on cable — forget a single program, like Oprah, Gore has his own channel, “Current TV” — suggested that the altitude in the Mile High City was getting to the president.

           The liberal press explained away this lack of progress in a hundred different ways.

           The Prez lost points in the polls. Romney’s on the rise.

           So the V.P. candidates face off. Grinning, grinning, grinning, Biden’s malicious grin is enough to make me want to punch his veneers down his throat! It turns out Biden and Alvin the Chipmunk have confronted one another endlessly in committee rooms in the Capitol, so we’re watching two professionals. Ryan is serious and sincere. Biden is fully-informed, hectoring, pompous and lecturing. And he’s good at it! He faces the camera and says, “You seniors there at home, you judge for yourself whether you want to pay more for health insurance!”

            Ever since Richard Nixon, we’ve watched the Veep function as cheerleader and hatchet man for the sitting administration. Pom-poms clearly in evidence, Biden tells us that the economy is on the rise, unemployment is plummeting, America has never been stronger internationally, our allies are all agog, our enemies are running away, this is our moment and WE’RE LIVING IN PARADISE!

            It makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I thought we were in a major recession and everything was all screwed up!!!

            Despite Ryan’s counsel, Biden —  being Biden — announces to the World that the Taliban can take a year off, a sabbatical, because THE U.S.A. IS LEAVING AFGHANISTAN IN 2014, period. Yoo-hoo, Mr. T! Then you can march in and take over! Unfortunately, Kabul is like Saigon in 1975: an extremely weak government that will totally collapse as soon as the last American soldier choppers out.

            The lady moderator — herself a correspondent specializing in Afghanistan — points out two or three times that 50 “green on blue” murders have taken place this year. Half against Americans. Twenty-five of our people killed by our erstwhile allies in the Afghan Army. You would think that this is indicative of a problem in Afghan culture worth discussing, but the candidates cold-heartedly express their regrets and push on with their own agendas.

            Interesting! We’re in a “None of the Above” election year.

                                                     Update: Round Three, Tuesday, October 13, 2012

            President Obama is clearly the lead actor. Mitt Romney— and Candy Crowley of CNN, the moderator— have supporting roles. Obama dominates the stage, hands down.

            He’s running as the challenger: All fired up, left hand waving hypnotically, The Man has a vision for America!

            I, too, end up thinking: “Yes! Let’s throw out that bum in the White House and elect Obama!!!”

            Um, wait a minute… I thought Obama was the incumbent???

            Attack dog Obama seems unpresidential, but no one notices. This is a bare-knuckles street fight worse than anything on WWF. The one who best rips his opponent to shreds— using his teeth— wins the applause of the crowd in the Coliseum. At any moment, I expect them to unleash lions into the arena to finish off these stalwart gladiators.

            Après the debate,in the moment before the screen becomes a mob scene, the camera catches the real Barack Hussein Obama: Little Barry grins from ear to ear, looking like Alfred E. Neuman, all of eight years old, America’s first child president. Oh, boy! Oh, goody! Look at me, everybody! I won!

            Romney, bless his heart, wants to make America energy independent! If elected, he will turn the entire country into a single, giant oil field. We’ll have oil pumps running in our backyards. Solar and wind don’t interest Romney so much. He’s a bigger “oil man” than George W. Bush.

            At least he’s honest about it.

            These families— the Obamas, the Bidens, the Romneys— are America’s political elite. Both physically attractive and intellectually brilliant, you would think they could solve the country’s problems one-two-three.

            God goofed. Mankind is a faulty creation.

                                                  Update: The Final Round, Monday, October 22, 2012

            Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

            While the liberal press applauds Obama for an aggressive performance against the waffling, wishy-washy, namby-pamby Mitt Romney, I felt the split screen HD close-ups on ABC showed me more Barack Obama than I wanted to see.

            Yeah, Romney’s upper lip got sweaty and there was that single damn hair out of place, hanging down his forehead like a cowlick, but he looked good.

            I thought rubber-necked Obama looked and acted like a viper who’d sucked on a lemon.

           My mom has a different take.

           When Romney lays on the bromides about America standing strong in the world, his support of the business community, his love for the middle class and his ability to work with a Democratic Congress, mom is shouting at CBS’s Bob Schieffer, “You’re the moderator! Shut him up!”

           When Obama pours on the empathy— pul-lease— about little girls at Ground Zero, his consoling wounded veterans and his abiding love of all mankind, I have to leave the room to keep from losing my dinner.

            Those of us rooting for the boxer in stripes have nothing over those rooting for the boxer in plaid. I thought it was a draw.

            Onward to Election Day.

                                                        *

Wake Up Time, Mr. P

                                    “Enjoy your last ride on Air Force One.”                            

                               – President Obama to Congressman Anthony Weiner, when Weiner criticized Obama’s health care program while airborne

                                                             *

            My mom is 90 years old and sharp as a tack. I spent 12 years as a political consultant, in local politics, during my military career. She and I solve the world’s problems every night over dinner.  

                                                              * 

             Mom: “With the GSA convention scandal in Las Vegas and now the Secret Service bacchanal in Cartagena, Colombia, the commentators on talk radio are saying Obama is an absentee manager.”

             Kevin: “I know he’s an absentee president. I live in the Greater Washington area, and he never returns my calls!”

            Mom: “Ha ha!”

            Kevin: “As usual, the commentary is a little dumb. Obama will simply say, ‘I’m not in charge of the Secret Service. I don’t run the GSA. To err is human, to forgive, divine.’

            “But, yes, the CEO is expected to set the tone, and with Obama as president, there’s a leadership vacuum as large as the Potomac River. I don’t think he’s an absentee manager, so much as passive-aggressive. I’ve never understood his style of non-leadership.”

            Mom: “Obama and Bush are glamour boys. They wanted to be president, with all the pomp and ceremony, but not the job of administering the country. Neither of them ever ran a company in their lives. Their résumés are paper thin.

             “Romney may be a wooden, boring son of a bitch, but he is a proven, competent administrator.”

            Kevin: “If the government is going to be handmaiden to industry, at least let’s get a competent industrialist in the White House, who knows how to get things done. Right now, we’re standing still.”

           Mom: “We’re not standing still! We’re going backwards in a downward economic spiral! I don’t see how anybody can support Obama.”

            Kevin: “Well, don’t forget, he’s got that charisma thing. He gets up before a crowd, waves his arms and speaks, and the masses are hypnotized. Hitler had it, Mussolini, Genghis Khan, Julius Caesar. Orators, they know how to raise the passion of their listeners and make their blood boil. Obama has the gift. People come away from his rallies thinking they’ve seen Jesus and touched the hem of His garment.

             “Barack Hussein Obama tells each group, ‘I am with you!’ He’s a con artist: He’s not lying, because he’s already looked in the mirror and convinced himself that he really means what he says. Charismatically persuasive, he gets people to believe in him. He tells the Jews, ‘Israels’s security is paramount.’ What does that mean? ‘Diplomacy is a chess match and I’ll offer Israel to gain a tactical advantage’? As Bill Clinton once famously said, ‘It all depends on what your definition of “is” is.’

             “The Occupy Movement is a sterling example. In the economic meltdown, Obama sided with the 1%— the banks, the brokerage houses, who caused the crash with their falsely bundled securities, and with the automobile industry. Obama left Main Street— middle class America— sorely pressed economically. Without money to spend, we stand by and watch retail outlets go under. The face of America is changing. Economic Darwinism, only the strong survive. We watch our roads fill with pot-holes. A huge chasm has opened between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots.’ Yet Obama can telegraph the Occupy Movement, ‘Don’t worry! I hear your message. In my heart, I am with you.’

            “That’s a great message! Only in his icy cold heart, ‘Mr. Cool’ only cares about himself and his immediate family.” 

            Mom: “I don’t see how a recent college graduate, weighed down with student loans, unemployed, forced to live with his parents, can tout Obama as the answer.”

            Kevin: “Generation Y, the Internet / Facebook social network, the ones who poured money big time into the 2008 Obama campaign, the people who worked day and night leafleting, telephoning and canvassing for Obama, have all been let down. Along with everyone else outside the banking, Wall Street brokerage and industrial communities.  But college students aren’t known for being worldly, experienced or acting rationally.

             “Even if they support Obama, I find it hard to believe they will come out for him in the droves we saw in 2008.

            “The Washington Post still shows daily photographs of Obama campaigning in Ohio, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Illinois or Iowa, making speeches and pointing his finger, but I don’t see any references to tens of thousands of spectators waiting hours in line to get to see him.

            “It’s 2012, not 2008. When Obama and his campaign staff are marching to victory, David Axelrod is going to look over his shoulder and say, ‘Hey, uh, Barack! Good grief! Where are the throngs? There’s nobody behind us! It’s only the six of us!’

            “People are not buying what he’s selling.

            “What does Obama say in his speeches? He sets up straw men. It’s always someone else’s fault. He exhibits the mentality of an 8-year-old, ‘I didn’t do anything! It was all Billy’s fault.’ So it’s really a question of who he is going to blame the failing economy on.”

             Mom: “He’s the president! I haven’t seen such a clueless Chief Executive since Jimmy Carter.”

              Kevin: “What was that movie with Robert Redford? The Candidate. On election night, with his supporters wildly cheering his victory, the candidate turns to his campaign manager and asks, ‘What do I do now, Harvey?’ That’s Obama in a nutshell. Glamorous, brilliant, clueless.”

              Mom: “President Obama didn’t cause the economic crisis, he inherited it. But when he had his FDR moment to pump jobs and money into the middle class and revitalize this country, he chose to use the trillions of dollars to shore up his buddies on Wall Street. I blame our current mess on Obama!”

             Kevin: “Ah, yes, but you’re logical. You can’t expect other people to react logically. On the plus side, you don’t need a rocket scientist to know your ass is cold.”

              Mom: “This election is the Republicans to lose. If they choose a way-out candidate, the undecideds won’t be able to vote Republican.

              “Even a halfway centrist candidate like Romney seems attractive when the alternative is a big, fat nothing.

              “The Republicans were idiots to attack each other that way in the primaries. That just provides ammunition for the Democrats to use against the Republican nominee.”

              Kevin: “This is America and everyone watches TV. Who can remember what the big issues were three months ago? Today, it’s the space shuttle Discovery. Two weeks ago, it was the cherry blossoms. What was the topic of conversation three weeks ago? No one remembers! We Americans have incredibly short attention spans. Come the Fall, no one will remember the mean, ugly things other contenders said about Mitt Romney during the Republican primaries.

            “People don’t like mudslinging, attack ads and negative campaigning. When the Democrats start bringing up the attacks made during the Republican primary campaign, and leveling those charges in the national election, the public is going to say that such unsportsman-like behavior demeans Democrats.

            “Some of the negative campaigning will brainwash people through sheer repetition, but a lot will turn off the electorate.  

            “I don’t think disappointed Democrats are going to vote Republican. They just won’t vote. We’ll see a very depressed voter turn-out in November.”

                                                       *

Get Real, Mr. President

            I wouldn’t publicly air my views about another person’s life, but President Obama has made a fortune writing books— and he won the presidency— based on his “compelling personal narrative,” as his campaign staff calls it. He’s a public figure and he keeps bringing it up! That makes his life fair game for discussion.

            This is what my mom and I said to each other at the dinner table.

                                                                        *

            Kevin: “Fifteen years from now, I don’t think people are going to be flocking to America.”

            Mom: “You’re wrong! It will still be the Land of Opportunity. We are a democracy, and that means people can get ahead through intelligence, creative brilliance and hard work. We may no longer be the world leader, but talented people will still be attracted to the U.S.A.”

                                                                        *

           Kevin: “There’s a reason why the Occupy Movement is complaining about the 99% opposing the top 1%. Corporate America owns the Congress, the presidential candidates, the government. The doors of Washington are always open to corporate lobbyists!

           “ ‘Obamas’ 2011 tax returns show earnings of $790,000’ reads the page A3 headline in April 14, 2012’s The Washington Post. Guess where Obama fits into the battle between America’s top 1% and all the rest of us!”

            Mom: “America is a capitalist country. The entire system was established to produce and maintain a society conducive to private enterprise.

            “But the system has become badly skewed. Thanks to a conservative Supreme Court, super PACs can buy and run ads attacking candidates and we don’t even know who is behind the ad!

           “How can Obama, as a Democrat, bail out Wall Street and let the rest of the country suffer?”

            Kevin: “Obama is actually a corporate shill. He went to Harvard with corporate America. His law school buddies became lawyers representing corporate America. Obama is corporate America! That’s what the movie Inside Job is all about: The fact that Secretary of the Treasury Greenspan and Paulson and Geithner are all representatives of Wall Street, doing Wall Street’s bidding.

            “Obama bailed out the automobile industry, the banks and the brokerage houses— but not Lehman Brothers, they can go hang! Meanwhile— the un-FDR—  Obama lets Main Street suffer and disintegrate. Gee, I wonder where Obama’s true sympathies lie?

           “Forget party labels, the two presidential candidates are the exact opposites of their public images: Romney is actually a liberal while Obama is a conservative, corporate errand boy.

            “How does he get away with it? How can he promise us one thing and three years later, still not deliver? How can this president have even a shred of credibility? 99% of the people are disappointed in him!

            “Obama is a totally manipulative charmer. He gets that old, hypnotic voodoo from his daddy.

            “The first time I ever heard of Obama was at a New Year’s Eve party on December 31^st, 2007. Some neighbors had been to a local fundraiser for a presidential candidate named Barack Obama. Jack and Jill were all excited: ‘He talked to us. Each of our children was allowed to ask a question and he answered each in turn! He’s wonderful! You should vote for him!’

            “And in an atavistic throwback to tribal culture, people bow to Obama as their leader simply because he is very tall. Are the Obamas Luo? The Luo are tall. Michelle is so tall, she could be Maasai. She has a Maasai face, handsomely bony with high cheekbones.

           “Barack Obama shows people the Obama he thinks they want to see. That’s why he can talk like a white man up north, while in Chicago, he speaks with that classy, high-end Chicago accent that Oprah and the First Lady use. Yet, when Obama arrives in the South, he rails like a good ole colored boy.

            “In order to maintain his mental health, Obama has had to compartmentalize his feelings. Obama would become mentally unhinged if he tried to live out all the sides of his personality simultaneously. We are all selective in what positive aspects of ourselves we emphasize at any particular moment. There’s the Obama who can listen to Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Jr. and fully agree with everything hateful the Reverend says. There’s the Obama who can go before a fundraiser consisting of white, Jewish people and convincingly declare his support for the issues they hold dear. There’s the Obama who calls himself a neutral broker, but feuds with Netanyahu and pushes the Palestinian cause. The Obama who tells Dmitry Medvedev, the Russian president, that he’ll be more ‘flexible’ after the election. There’s the Obama who sits in the White House, representing all Americans.

            “Sometimes the mask slips, like in 2008 after Obama received the Democratic nomination and Michelle Obama said ‘this is the first time in my life I’ve been proud to be an American.’

            “Barry Obama has every reason to hate America: America treats its blacks badly and Obama considers himself a black man.

            “Barry Obama went to elementary school among Muslims in Indonesia. He wouldn’t be normal if he didn’t harbor an abiding affection for the people he grew up with!

            “One of the disconnects of the Obama presidency is his utter lack of empathy toward his constituents. Black people are having problems? Too bad! The middle class is disappointed in the economy? Tough luck!

           “Barack Obama doesn’t really care about anyone except himself, his wife and his two daughters. It’s them against the world.

                                                        *

            “Think what it was like when Barry Obama left Indonesia and arrived in America to live with his maternal grandparents. Sometimes Obama claims he lived those years in Kansas. Other times, he says it was Hawaii. Is this nitpicking? Hawaii or Kansas? Which is it? Every man’s Everyman, with Barack Obama, you never know the truth.

          “Whichever it is, there aren’t a whole lotta black people. So right from the start, he’s a minority of one. ‘Where’s your momma?’ his classmates ask. What’s he going to say? She’s somewhere in the Indian Ocean having sex with black men. What a cruel joke of nature that this hippie proponent of free love should die at an early age of ovarian cancer! ‘Where’s your daddy?’ ask his classmates. What’s Barry to say? His father is back in Kenya, drinking himself to death, living with one or more of his several wives.

            “A child of a mixed, polygamous marriage, a black boy in Hawaii or Kansas, a stranger, Obama probably got picked last for a neighborhood game of basketball. Extremely bright and gifted, he made up his mind to become so good at basketball, the other kids would pick him first when choosing team-mates. Obama decided to become so good in school, he would get top marks and scholarships to college.

          “Rather than spend life as an outsider, he became an over-achiever and the ultimate insider, attaining any top honor he aimed for. The first black editor of The Harvard Law Review.

           “You read his books, you see he made a fetish out of his voyage of personal discovery. Talk about ego, talk about ‘self-love,’ Obama thinks nobody is as exciting or complicated as he is! He is the ‘me generation’ up in lights.

          “That’s the history of Barry Obama.

          “But there are other Obamas. There’s Barack Obama, the schooled, erudite union organizer and politician. There’s Barack Hussein Obama, who travels to Cairo and speaks sympathetically to the Arab world. He also contributed to Revered Wright’s church year after year, despite the Reverend’s vitriolic feelings about America. 

          “We’re not talking about multiple personalities, because that implies having no control over one’s situation. We’re talking about sublimation, suppressing one side of oneself in favor of another to fit the moment.

           “You have to assume that Obama resents the fact that he has to hide his real self to get ahead. I would. You’d resent it. That’s why you get this frenetic need to love his fellow man. His inclination is the opposite. You get mistreated, you resent it. That’s why Oprah Winfrey has to shout so emphatically, “I LOVE TEACHERS! “ She’s compensating for the fact that she really doesn’t like them.

           “Poor Barry! We don’t love— and didn’t elect— Barry Obama. Him we never saw. We didn’t elect the real Obama, the one visible to Barack Obama in his bathroom mirror in the morning, because we’ve never met him either. I suspect Michelle has. We haven’t.

           “The tragedy is, Obama could get real and still have support, probably more support than he has at the moment. The guy is an American. His true feelings can’t be too different from the rest of us! He pays lip service to our common set of values and ideals— “

          Mom: “Be fair! Even with his own agenda, he’s some sort of American!”

           Kevin: “Okay! It bothers me that he ‘admits’ to having a smoking addiction, but no one ever sees a photo of the president smoking a cigarette. That shows a basic lack of candor, of honesty.

            “The Obama-haters complain about that very fact: They find him dishonest, unreal. A poseur, a snake oil salesman, a circus barker, a  b. s. artist. A drama queen who needs all the air in the room for hisself. A Chicago politician.

           “He’s a speechifier, capable of talking eloquently on any subject. He’s a great performer, but he has his limits. He’s no Shakespearean actor, capable of memorizing entire plays. No, Obama needs a teleprompter. Still, he can talk the birds out of the trees. He got the 2008 Democratic nomination because he so impressed the convention’s 30 ‘super delegates’ with his 2004 keynote address, these learned elder statesmen (!) dubbed him a superstar and awarded him the prize. Having fought hard and won more primaries and caucuses in key states, Hillary went into the convention with more delegates than Obama. Like love-struck schoolgirls, the Dem leadership ignored all that and went with the basketball hero. We’re witnessing politics played as a high school popularity contest. Who’s coolest, who’s in, who’s got it ?” 

                                                       *

          Mom: “Our California cousins feel Obama is good for Israel. If he gets re-elected, I say, ‘Watch out!’”

           Kevin: “What they said was, ‘Forget what Obama says, look at what he does.’ They point out that the Obama administration has given one billion dollars a year to Israel in military aid, the last three years.”

            Mom: “I didn’t want to say anything, but they’re out in California. It’s not Obama who gave Israel that money, it’s Congress. Congress appropriates the money, Congress passes the bills. When the bill arrives on Obama’s desk to sign, he dare not refuse because then he won’t get the money to win re-election. Once re-elected, there’ll be no way to hold Obama responsible.

            “I can understand a self-hating Jew like David Axelrod— a J Streeter— working for Obama, but I’ve never understood how someone from an Israeli family like Rahm Emanuel could work for him.”

            Kevin: “I think Rahm saw himself as a gate-keeper and Obama’s guilty conscience, holding the president to his promise to behave right towards Israel. With Rahm gone from the White House, things don’t look promising for Israel if Obama gets a second term.

             “There’s a joke inherent in all this, you know. Once re-elected, come 2014, Obama will do a Nixon and gather his staff in the West Wing of the White House and say: ‘Congress passed the 22nd Amendment after FDR was elected president for the fourth time. That was then, but we don’t really need presidential term limits with a president who is as popular and desirable as me. Let’s float the notion in Congress that we ought to abolish presidential term limits! We’ll tell the American people, Look how much we’ve accomplished in these six years! Imagine how much more we can do, given another six! It’s a win-win situation!’”

            Mom: “Ha ha!

            “I don’t understand how Obama could cut appropriations for NASA and abandon the quest for the moon. Doesn’t he realize that America’s hope is intimately tied to space exploration?

            “Look at how many thousands of people flooded the Mall to say goodbye to a piece of metal!”

            Kevin: “The space shuttle Discovery, getting piggybacked atop a 747 jumbo jet…”

            Mom: “If it was a funeral cortège for a person, I could understand the outpouring of love and affection, but for a spacecraft…?

            “It was a dumb move politically to disband America’s quest for space, if people are so enamored of the program. Isn’t the audacity of hope to dream of inhabiting other worlds?”

            Kevin: “‘Space— the final frontier! These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise… Its’ five year mission, to investigate new worlds… and go where no man has gone before!’

            “Obviously, Obama didn’t grow up with Star Trek. He was born in 1961, in Hawaii, and lived in Indonesia. He seems to have missed the whole Star Trek experience. But, yeah, it does seem a dumb move to curtail NASA at this particular moment.”

           Mom: “Now we can only sit back and watch the Russians populate the moon.”

           Kevin: “Or the Chinese!”

           Mom: “The North Koreans sent up a rocket, but it fell apart…”

           Kevin: “Yeah, they need a couple of more years!

           “Why, when we’re supposed to be moving forward, do we always end up two steps back? Obama is doing the Michael Jackson Moonwalk! He faces forward, but his gliding steps propel us backward into the grip of economic ruin.”

                                                       *

Meal Or Ordeal?

        Truth can be stranger than fiction.

        In 2007, NBC’s Today Show voted the Sam’s Chowder House lobster roll “one of America’s five best sandwiches.” I know this because the info is posted on the side of the restaurant at 4210 Cabrillo Highway North in Half Moon Bay, California. With a thrilling panoramic view of the Pacific Ocean, Sam’s Chowder House receives top culinary reviews, is mentioned in news articles and becomes chaotically jammed with California diners on any give Sunday.

         On this particular Sunday, we call to make a 6 o’clock reservation for two. We are told the first available table for two will be at 8 p.m. “Fine,” I tell the young lady on the phone. My mother and I arrange our day accordingly. I have driven past Sam’s four times today on my way to and from the J V Fitzgerald Marine Reserve at Moss Beach. I could see that the parking lot at Sam’s was a total madhouse.

         Seated at 8 p.m., we discover on the menu a “Sam’s Seafood for Two” item that sounds divine:

                              Sam’s Lobster Clambake for Two 59.95

Try a taste of Cape Cod, with 1-1/2 lb. fresh Maine lobster, fresh corn-on-the-cob, mussels, clams, savory Andouille sausage and red potatoes. Served with clam chowder and coleslaw.

          Wow! Here is everything mom and I admire on the menu: lobster, mussels, clams and clam chowder. Gotta have it!

           So “Jim” (I’ll call him that), our 30-something server, decides at that moment to tell us, “We’re out of steamed lobster and Dungeness crabs.”

            “What do you mean ‘out’ ? How so ‘out’ ? In what way are you out ?” I ask.

            “We’re sold out. I should have told you that when you sat down.”

            “Uh, wait a miniute, Jim. We wanted to come at 6 p.m. but you couldn’t seat us until 8 p.m. and now it’s 8 p.m. and you are sold out of lobster and crab? Don’t you see where we might find this unacceptable?”

            “I’ll have you speak with the manager,” says Jim.

            A seafood restaurant that runs out of seafood needs to find itself another definition. Sometimes seafood ? Occasional seafood ? Supply side seafood ?

             The 30-something lady manager is very nice. She gives us a free bowl of clam chowder and free blue crab cakes, but neither can compete with what we get back on the east coast. The food here at Sam’s is pedestrian, mundane, bland.

              I order Prince Edward Island mussels. I get them all the time back home. Here at Sam’s Chowder House, they come swimming in a firy red pepper sauce that either Jim has served us as a joke or indicates culinary misanthropy among the chefs!

              Mom gets prawns wrapped in bacon, which at least taste like prawns wrapped in bacon, not something else.

              I’m sure– being in the San Francisco Bay area– Sam’s Chowder House has been featured on The Food Channel . I’m just not sure which program. The celebrity chef cook-off or the show about eateries that have great potential but still need a lot more work?

               We’ve been in California three days. Until now, we’ve managed to remain blissfully unaware of the famous manifestation called “California dumb.” Sam’s Chowder House has got it in spades, a gift shop and a well-meaning cluelessness that presupposes that any behavior is acceptable because– after all— we are popular! Lindsay Lohan can use drugs because, after all, she is popular. Arnold Schwarzenegger can, politically, act like a jerk because, after all, he’s married into the Shriver clan and he is popular. Everybody can run around all year long wrapped up in beach towels and themselves because, after all, they are Californians. They are popular. 

                “I’m popular, I must be doing something right,” doesn’t begin to apply. Watching all the excited, satisfied customers leaving the premises, I realize that by Cal standards, Sam’s is the best! But what are California standards?

Gouge Airways

            In 2004, America’s national airline, the behemoth that is too big to fail, was losing $30 per passenger on every flight. Oil prices have skyrocketed since then, fewer people are traveling, costs are up all around. The airline industry reaction has been to charge cancellation fees, change of reservation fees, booking by phone fees and now baggage fees. This we all know, the newspapers broadcast the news.

            Airline X, as I will call them, has a Mileage Program. For every dollar my mom spends on her Mileage credit card, she gets one frequent flyer mile. She’s been a member for ten years.

            Every goddam time we go to cash in the miles and get a ticket, we get hit with a fat fee. The latest rude awakening is our round trip tickets to the west coast. We made the reservation 18 days beforehand and got hit with a 2 x $75 fee for a “close in” booking “less than 21 days before your flight.”

            A $150 fine.

            Has the Mileage Program sent my mom a list of their current fees for 2012?

            Nooooooooo.

            So how is she supposed to know that we needed to hurry up and book?

            Is this good customer service?

            Nooooooooo.

            Does the airline care?

            Nooooooooo.

            Can the airline charge ticket prices that actually cover their costs?

            Nooooooooo.

            Based on the competition of the marketplace, capitalism demands the lowest possible price, so Airline X is forced to play a shell game to make up the difference.

            This situation epitomizes everything that is wrong with America. Capitalism gone wild. Caveat emptor. Price-gouging. Worshipping the Almighty Dollar. To use a quaint term, “unfair business practices.”

          This is the oil companies charging $3.50 a gallon for gas, crying poormouth and then running full-page ads in the national newspapers touting their sense of civic responsibility. First they punch us in the stomach, then they tell us what a favor they’re doing us!

           This is the natural gas industry lusting after new energy sources (“It’s clean! It’s efficient! It’s natural gas!”) while fracturing the environment.

            This is avaricious politicians competing in earmarks to see who can get the biggest piece of the pie.

            This is snake oil presidential candidates telling us the sunrise is just around the corner and we’re actually better off than ever!

                                                       *

            We used to joke about Impossible Airlines: “Do you wish to sit during your flight? There’s a seating charge. Do you wish to use the lavatories? There’s a charge. Does the passenger intend to breathe during this flight? Oxygen is available for purchase.”

                                                       *

            There is nothing illegal about heaping on hidden fees. It is just rude and dishonest. Not very nice. It is not user-friendly.

            Does any airline benefit from having angry, irate passengers?

            Nooooooooo.

            Too bad.

            Airline X needs the money. We like Airline X. We understand their dilemma.

            But they keep beating up on us.

            Everybody loses.

                                                     *

Bachmann Does Reagan

            The following are my opinions.

            Paul McCartney must be shaking his head, considering the kind of women produced by that song of his! God help us, empowerment!

            My best friend is a staunch Republican, singing the praises of Michele Bachmann. Since Michele is so often portrayed in the press as a nut job, my buddy felt that I ought to make a point of hearing her for myself. I had no idea when I would have that opportunity.

            Thanks to David Gregory and Meet the Press, I have now heard, first-hand and unadulterated, Michele Bachmann.

            I have not been a party to this woman’s decisions leading up to her candidacy, so I will not try to second-guess the chain of events. I can only judge the ripeness of the pear as it sits before me on the plate.

            Michele Bachmann appeals to a certain segment of the Republican electorate because she is not merely channeling Ronald Reagan, she is mimicking him. On TV, she trotted out all the same tropes: Government is the problem, not the solution. Don’t have government try to do tasks best left to private industry. The less government, the better. The Market is self-regulating. Everything goes to Hell when government intercedes in the affairs of the private sector. I, too, was once a Democrat, but saw the light and became an arch conservative. The way you grow the economy is by putting a little extra money in people’s pockets, not by sending that money to Washington in the form of tax revenue. I have many friends among the Democrats and will be able to work with them on bipartisan agreements.

            Michele Bachmann is a rerun! Having seen and experienced the original, I am not impressed. Reaganomics injured America in ways so lasting, this country may never recover.

            Of course, when Ronald Reagan took over, America did not have trillions of dollars in debt. The ruptured economy makes a Michele Bachmann or a Newt Gingrich positively dangerous. This is not the time for roll-back, this is the time for TVA-style Works Programs. We have roads, bridges and an electric grid that all need repair. We have out-of-work people who would gladly fill those jobs. Not everyone is prepared to raise a sweat, but there are enough hardworking folks out there to get some life back into the economy. Not at the top, trickling down, but squarely in the middle of the economy, where the largest segment of the population lives.

            “Mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery” and all that b.s., but I expected Michele Bachmann to at least come up with a schtick of her own. Ron Paul and Ross Perot have sculpted their own philosophies. Quoting Ronald Reagan verbatim does not make you a great political leader, Michele. Create something, don’t just parrot the single most popular leader in American history. Ronald Reagan did terrible things to this country, but—“The Great Communicator”— people still swoon at the mention of his name.

            I think Michele read a biography of Reagan and decided, “There’s a lot of mileage left in this old crate! People will vote for this.” It’s a cynical performance, even down to misquoting her opponents and making erroneous statements, just as dear old Ronnie, “The Gipper,” was prone to do.

            She, too, wants her place in history.

            Human kind being a flawed work at best (God goofed, but okay), I usually cut politicians some slack. Watching Michele Bachmann evade, ignore and talk over David Gregory’s more trenchant questions, I think Michele deserves whatever criticism she gets. Watch her performance online and decide for yourself.

            I don’t think the plight of people in the midwest having to go a month without cable TV is such a major crime to lay at President Obama’s door. If he warned the country that Social Security checks might be delayed in August — causing people to cancel their cable service! — that’s what a default is all about. Instead of discussing serious economic policy, Michele Bachmann prefers the old political maneuver of babbling incessantly about the little people in life and what a hard time they are having. It wasn’t cute when Al Gore did it, it wasn’t cute when George W. Bush did it. It’s boring and it’s evasive. I, too, could sing you a Song of Woe! 

            We’ve heard this homespun philosophy before. It ain’t new. It was no fun the first time and it’s no funnier now. It certainly won’t solve the massive debt, unemployment and shaky international relations currently plaguing the country.

                                                          *

“Predictions, Pat?”

            There’s a much beloved American TV talk show called The McLaughlin Group. Political analysts, they are one noisy crowd! They’ve been doing it since Adam. A favorite line comes every week at the end, when the host turns to curmudgeonly Pat Buchanan and asks, “Predictions, Pat?” Buchanan is once again being asked to lay his reputation on the line and exhibit prescience. The joke, of course, is that Pat, archly conservative, always comes up with something outlandish for us all to laugh about.

            So, here goes. My prediction: Obama will win in 2012. He’ll run a brilliant campaign— that’s what he does best, after all, that’s his voodoo— and get the votes. A clear win, it won’t be a squeaker. But like Nixon in 1972 or George W. Bush in 2004, no one anywhere in the country will openly admit they voted for him! Obama will get elected by an overwhelming mass of incognito voters.

            Yes, The Washington Post reported on Thursday, July 14, 2011, that over half a million people in American made a contribution to Obama’s war chest (552,462 individual donors). That’s great! Now he only has 259½ million less enthusiastic people to convince.

            It’s very unusual, almost unprecedented, for a sitting president to approach a midterm campaign where his identity is still an issue. Usually, after three years, we feel we know who our leader is. With Obama, he won’t let on and it’s impossible to know! Liberal? A fiscal conservative? A free-thinker or a staunch Democrat or a Harvard preppie? Who is this guy? Our perceptions change from day to day. When he kept touting “Change,” I’m not sure this is what he meant! A shape-shifter.

            He covers specific topics in individual speeches. He tackles even more in press conferences and State of the Union addresses. His answers are well-versed, succinct and cogent. Yet, there is no FDR-like guiding philosophy, no Eleanor Roosevelt or Bill Clinton mantle. There’s no one defining moment that makes us exclaim, “Yes! That’s Barack Obama!” The true-believers worship him as the Second Coming, but those of us outside the temple are having a hard time discerning the path ahead.

            Mr. President, for the good of the country, define yourself! Give us an 8-step program or 10 principles or, at least, 3 priorities or something that tells us where you intend to take the country in the next four years. Please.

            And don’t give us the mouthwash of uncompleted tasks and unfulfilled promises! We know all that, already! O’ captain, my captain, we know where we’ve been. Where are we headed?

                                                     *

Rerunning On Empty

            June 19, 2011: Senator Lindsey O. Graham from South Carolina, a portly gentleman with opinions, goes on Meet The Press. Having learned nada from Newt Gingrich’s debacle, Senator Graham channels Dick Cheney: If we don’t defeat Moammar Gaddafi, it will mean the end of NATO, we’ll lose all respect in the world and the price of oil will double. Calling Gaddafi “the madman of the Middle East,” the Senator claims Gaddafi, if left in power, will organize the other nations of the region against us. He concludes by stating that any politician who disagrees with him on Libya “isn’t living on the same planet.”

            Brothers and sisters, here we go again! A total flashback to Vice President Dick Cheney telling the American people, during the run-up to the Iraq war, that leaving a quiescent Saddam Hussein in power would lead to all kinds of dangers for U.S. security. Calling Saddam a “snake in the grass,” Cheney insisted we needed to cut off the head. America, rich at the time, a little arrogant, somewhat naïve, smarting from 9/11, the people bought Cheney’s arguments. After all, the man’s a pro. You don’t screw around with Dick Cheney.

            For Lindsey Graham to beard a war-weary public, who are focused on the flailing economy, and call for greater military commitment, shows an almost delusional misreading of public sentiment.

            It’s true that Libya’s, Syria’s and Yemen’s autocrats are not going quietly into that dark night. Does Graham expect us to make war on all of them?

            How Gaddafi in North Africa, isolated even among the Arab nations, will bring down the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, I cannot fathom.

            America’s position in the world, mercifully, isn’t dependent on Moammar Gaddafi. (Thank God for small favors!)

            As for Gaddafi uniting the oil nations against us in a wave of sticker shock, FORGET IT! Gaddafi has remained in power all these years because his fellow leaders view him as a total nut job and avoid contact as much as possible. He’s a catastrophe for his own people, but elsewhere in the world, Gaddafi has no standing.

            Of his three attempts at foreign policy, only one brought beneficial results. His first incursion was bringing down a passenger jet over Lockerbie, Scotland. This disaster stained Gaddafi’s reputation permanently, repudiating any claim of human compassion he might utter. His second venture succeeded: He got America to remove Libya from the list of outlaw nations. Normalizing trade and diplomacy, Gaddafi was at least greeted on the world stage as a legitimate head of state. His third foray, speaking before the United Nations General Assembly, ended less than triumphantly. Diplomats candidly called him “weird,” “unconnected to reality” and “the lights on, but no one home.”

            Bookends, Lindsey Graham and Moammar Gaddafi are a matched set.

            It will be interesting to see if America buys the same sales pitch from Senator Graham that we bought from Vice President Richard Cheney ten long years ago.

*

Patience In A War Zone

     A Buddhist lady friend and her husband suggested I put this in writing.

     I don’t want to open a can of worms, but I will say this about U.N. Peacekeeping: Soldiers get tired. We refuse to spend our entire tour being afraid. Combating our fear is exhausting. The hours are long, the work is exacting, combat is no fun.

     Tempers grow short in such dangerous surroundings.

     The natives, the locals, are also angry and afraid. It’s a war.

     Acting as the field negotiator, the liaison, between the two often pulled me apart, emotionally if not physically. The rest of the Command felt I was “going native” wherever we ended up. The locals felt I didn’t support them enough. Nobody was satisfied, but I did what I could to sooth tempers on all sides.

     A Buddhist, I used “instant bonding” to join myself with the soul of each individual, free of their current anger and frustration. This helped translate their wants and needs into productive solutions.

     There’s nothing mystical about it, other soldiers sit down and drink tea with tribal elders, with similar results.

     The fact that the villagers were screaming in my face, spittle flying, voices screeching, never bothered me. I didn’t enjoy the occasional headbutt I received from an unhappy petitioner. At that point, the guards would quickly intervene and subdue the fellow. My feeling—beneath my immediate anger—was that anyone who had gotten himself so steamed up, probably had a legitimate grievance. 

     Yes, you’re not supposed to let an assailant get within your immediate proximity, but (1) we were there to help those people and (2) we always searched them before letting them approach and (3) shouting to the villagers wasn’t going to complete the mission.

     When I was awarded my medal, I felt they were rewarding my patience, a commodity always on short supply in a war zone.

                                                            *

     Older and a civilian, I am always amazed that I can’t do it anymore. When people oppose me and show disrespect, I bridle. My brain won’t function. I can’t be unendingly reasonable anymore. “Works well with others” employers write on my evaluation, but only if the others value my opinion. When people treat me like an old duffer, I want to take them apart.  

     There it is.

                                                             *

Obama’s Presidency: Winners and Losers

     When investigating a homicide, the police ask, “Who stands to gain from this act?”

     I think the same applies to politics: If you want to know who your leader is, just look at who has profited and who has suffered under the current administration. The oil companies are making record billions in profit. Wall Street is booming. His stirring speeches and exciting autobiographies to the contrary, President Obama appears to be the worst kind of corporate shill. Winners are not victorious by chance. These things are planned.

     As for Obama’s liberal base and the people who elected him: Students are more in debt today than ever before in history. Unemployment remains high. Government employees have had their wages frozen for the next two years, as a way for them to lead in the effort to tighten our belts. The middle class finds itself increasingly in debt. Gas prices have again risen to $4 a gallon.

     If the Republicans can find a candidate free of too much excess ideological baggage, all he need do to win the presidency is keep repeating the phrase, “Are you better off today than you were four years ago?” Since most Americans will have to answer “no,” the incumbent looks increasingly like a one-term president.