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Dear Mr., Mrs. or Ms. Kevin Feingold,

We’re pleased to extend to you an exclusive invitation to receive ultrasound tests of the heart and arteries in your very own body in your very own neighborhood. We can assess the risk of heart disease, stroke, stock market fluctuation or aneurysm using the latest scientific medical and financial techniques. These allow our doctors to peer into every crevice of your being and credit rating.

Why have you been chosen? Your age, location and income bracket make you a prime candidate for heart disease and/or unnecessary medical procedures. These advances bring new hope— and real help— to an estimated 1.6 million Americans who are unsure if their heart valves, pulmonary arteries, varicose veins and other body parts are working at 100% efficiency.

Using the latest statistical analysis, you will leave your session with a printout ACTUALLY SHOWING percentages of efficiency for your body parts and bank account. This service IS ABSOLUTELY FREE (a $350 value!) when you sign up for your examination.

Why are we offering you this invaluable (for us) experience? No secrets there!!! We have discovered that by driving our late model bus— painted with an enticingly medical logo— around your area, we can attract patients for these otherwise wholly unnecessary examinations. We make quite a nice pocketful of change in the process, I can assure you. Everybody wins!!!

So why wait??? You could drop dead tomorrow of an aneurysm. You deserve to reward yourself with these tests— among the very best (or at least costliest)— that money can buy. You’re worth it! CALL TODAY!!!

Frank Delasandro, President, Red Fed Med Services and Annuities Brokerage LLC

P.S. I am honored to add lung X-ray, full body wash and e-investing to our medical and financial services.